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Sunday, March 30

wahz... having a big headache now. feel that my head so heavy de. whole body hot hot.. inner or outer also the same. sit down or stand up also will have vision blur blur, wanna blackout dat kind.. well, hope i am not down with wad SARs or what...if not this holiday will really sux like hell.. well, completed my history and a bit of my physics today.. 7 more days to school reopens..7 days for me to rot at home..can't go out..dad says "no". juz dun understand, if he can go out, why can't i.. u mean he will not get SARs, and i will get it?nvm.. sumtimes juz dunno how they think.. arhz..think i better go heed somebody's advice and turn in early tonight..nItez..
... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Heli Dont ask me why 11:37 PM

Friday, March 28

hm..so much things happen this few days.. can't really accept all them at one go.. well.. here we have the war in Iraq, ongoing for bout 10days already? and then that Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome. And just yesterday, i had so much thoughts and emotions within me that i really wanted to burst. It suddenly occured to me yesterday that, with all these happenings round us, is it signs of the world coming to an end? Schools are closed down till 6 april. Many are rejoicing bout this. But, have you ever thought of it? We are being happy when its all becoz of others misfortune? those that died? their family crying for them? It's really unfair...Just because somebody down with this disease and had caused so much to the rest of them..Mind you, they are just innocent lot of people. Right now, there are so many in the hospital dying to get out. I am not trying to be a saint showing so much care and concern to those lot of people whom i don't even know them at all. I mean, it just pop up in my mind from nowhere that this is happening... argh.. so much to voice..yet i don't know how should i continue........

Heli Dont ask me why 2:30 AM

You never really grow up, you just learn how to act in public.

Life is about feeling someone push you from behind, and then realizing it was you all along.

Life is about living and loving and knowing when to cry.

Sometimes you just have to hold your head up high, and blink away the tears.

Heli Dont ask me why 2:24 AM

Monday, March 24

juz look at my nick for msn today..
I=IELiUm =i dUnn0 wAd iS tHE tRue mE..dUn bOtheR tO aSk mE..i dUnNoz!!!!~^

wonder why i post this? realise that lately, i am not my true self? i dunno how people gonna judge this... but, i am certainly unsure of how i am feeling right now. I must admit that the amount of task and stress i am dealing this year would be much more compared to last year. Yet, i believed i would feel more stressful last year. It's not that suddenly, wow.. i am enlightened~able to handle things!. i dunno... some of my friends choose to think that, i juz look very calm and stable on the appearance juz not to make them worry, but i am actually deeply stress within me. Maybe you guys agree with this. Maybe i would also agree too. I hate to think this way. But, at least many of you feel that i am happy this way right? I don't quite agree that i am juz hiding my stress from all of you. Maybe, you guys can start accepting me as the way i am now. I am not the old past me, who couldn't take stress easily. Right now, the brand new me, give me a chance, to prove that this is the right pathway for me.

Heli Dont ask me why 10:42 PM

Sunday, March 23

last day of the march hols. tomorrow is the start of the new term. very soon, my chinese O's gonna come soon. Time realli flies like an rocket. Juz one blink, its nearly reaching the end of march. What the hell has gone wrong with the time? Why is it going so fast? I felt myself suffocating in this whirlpool around me... I could hardly have the time to stop, think and look around the things happening to me. Everything is passing by so fast. Its pretty scary if you juz go think bout it. I had less than 3 months from now to prepare for my Chinese O's.. yes.. many of you gonna think, "hey there.. it's only Chinese O's.. don't need to get so work up..." fine.. whatever you choose to think, to me, its juz basically the first paper that i am gonna go thru, the first hurdle that i need to get over. Whatever... I don't like to talk bout my studies.. it juz simply sux...

Studying is juz a moment that everyone gotta go thru it. It's not about getting first in everything, competiting with all your friends and simply forgetting you are juz getting selfish... It's juz a period where you put in effort to achieve grades and certs that will help you as years go by. You put in your effort now, life would be much easier when you enter the society.

Oh yes, and to those people directly or indirectly participating in the war right now, god bless you.

Heli Dont ask me why 10:09 PM

so tired of doing my homework.. decide to come online to post my feelings out.. the war news going on and on be it on the newpapers, radio, tv, and my dad talking bout it. seriously, it still can't hit me that the war is ongoing now... i mean, i study history, i wonder how's life was like when the allies and the soviets were fighting.. world war II and so on.. and now i, a historian going through what will be in the history textbook many years from now.. i don't know how to say it...i juz gonna hope and pray that the people over there, those whom are innocent, who do not deserve all this hardship, hope that they are able to survive through this crisis, and if not, die a quick and instant death rather than being torture. i am serious. maybe you're gonna think i am crazy, wishing them death? how bout you let them go through the torture? you think they will wanna live? watch their own friends, families leaving one by one and you are being torture? duh.. ignore me.. juz suddenly... neva mind...

Heli Dont ask me why 3:37 PM

Friday, March 21

at last~! the banner is sort of dONe~! very glad that it din take much longer den i expect.. and also.. wanna thanz those few lots of people that help a lot in the banner directly and indirectly of course.. well.. juz want to say a very big big thanz to you guys... know you guys had a hard time helping me with the banner.. bet most of you would be in bed again liaoz... well.. i am going to bed too.. fancy being awake for bout 40 hrs? no sleeping.... kaoz.. moreover tmr need to wake at 5am... yah.. wanna say thanz a lot and lots for the help given.. luv u gUyz!~ mUaCkz..gd nItEz..

Heli Dont ask me why 10:32 PM

"yAwn.." early 6 plus in the morning... wah.. i had been awake for the whole night.. with many others.. well.. doing the house banner for the sports day.. tired and sleepy.. yes.. braindead soon.. but juz before that, juz wanna express my many heartfelt thanks to all those that helped in the banner and stuffs.. thanz a lot manz.. i really appreciated the help a lot.. and also to our house master ms lim.. thanz for cuming to see us.. think you should be sleeping now.. well.. later in the day still got to go to hougang stadium to check on the cheerleading.. haiz.. i doubt we will complete the banner.. well anyway... i am tired...... zZz..

Heli Dont ask me why 6:01 AM

Friday, March 14

a memorable day compromising of sadness, and friends care and concern that touched me. its a day filled with excitement from the start, a period of anxiety before my race, determination at the peak.. but dissapointment in the end. My mind now is cleared. I knew what exactly happened today at the stadium. Everything kept replaying in my head. The scene of me falling down, stand up... again and again; being carried on the stretcher to the tent, the period of semi-consciousness; people helping to 'revive' me.. It juz continued again and again.
perhaps maybe many friends want to know what really happen when i was running. While reaching the finishing line in 2nd round, my vision began to go dark and darker...Alas, can't see anything, head is like being cramp.. i fell. I took in large intake of air, and it got better. SJAB ppl came and help. I rejected and continued running and fell again. In total, i ran fell, ran fell, ran fell, send to first aid tent.
but today, is indeed very special. In this very day, i experienced the bitterness of failure, the helplessness within determination, and the warm in friends. When i fell, i believed most of you would be stunned n worried? I heard that ppl wanted to come into the tent and see if i'm okay. well, i am very touched le. In the first place, i din really done well for the race, yet many came forward to care about me. What can i say? I know i shouldn't cry in front of my house members and many.. they brought encouragement, support to me.. but at the thought of not being able to do well, i really am sad. The tries i made to stand up and run again, is totally becoz i dun wan to lose, and dun wan to cause disappointment to many of you... instead, i failed, but god or heaven is fair. They compensated me by letting me experience the trueness of friends..it really touches me. I cried when i was in the tent - that's becoz i have failed and cause great dissapointment. When i came out and saw my jaguar house, and most imptly my friends, my heart melted. I had so much pain, so much helplessness within me.. how can i hold back my tears...?

Heli Dont ask me why 11:53 PM

Monday, March 10

hmm.. ran again juz now.. wah.. timing still roughly the same.. haiz.. anyway, also not going to do much good to friday race.. yesterday den start to train.. nvm~!~.. rather feel fed up bout jaguar house these few days.. jaguarians are juz not eNthUz..!~ and i had to go around asking them one by one to go attend the selections.. what is this manz.. well, i don't mind going around.. but they juz dun see my point.. i say so much crap, in the end, they juz did not go.. fine!~ i admitted i am juz too naive.. well, whatever...
Juz to let ya know, my aim for this year jaguar house is to maintain 2nd position if not clinched the championship once again.. i know its gonna be hard and ppl are gonna tell me "heli... concentrate on your studies.. blah blah..".. well, of coz i will lahz.. buden, at the same time, i really hope to achieve my aim le.. hm.. dunno lahz.. i will haRD DE~!~!~!~!

Heli Dont ask me why 7:43 PM

Sunday, March 9

so tired now.. juz ran roughly bout 1800m around my house nearby... hm.. took abt 11- 13mins plus ba.. so long din train, realized that my stamina had dropped a lot. wonder how am i going to face the 1500m this friday. It seems that most of the other house runners are mostly badminton girls? tough race this time round. well, managed to clinch an award last year, but this year? Don't bother to think much about it. The coming week is gonna be a headache. Test, activities... thought of it just make me sick. Well, just have a talk with my jie yesterday, bombarding me with lots of encouragements and advices. Dunno. I am juz gonna do my best... bLeAhz!~

Heli Dont ask me why 6:42 PM

juz post some emotionl thingys about me yesterday, scary huh? I don't know how many of you will take it as what. Whatever, i am alright now.. It's like flu to me, happened now and then. Started my amath homework juz now. Stuck at the 7b) question, rather fed up. kept getting the wrong answer, very pek chek. Can't seem to concentrate totally.. in a lazy mode. So here, i am online blogging again. Trapped at home, couldn't go out, and lazy to go out. Such a sloppy sunday afternoon.. duh!

Heli Dont ask me why 12:34 PM

Saturday, March 8

The night was no longer young. The street lamps were lit. Bus was mid-packed with people. I shoved myself through the people and left by the exit door. I was exhausted, terribly exhausted, dragging my heavy and tiresome legs as i stammered home...My mind was full of thoughts and so much unhappy scenes. I was vexed and flustered. Something was bothering me and i knew it. I looked at my shadow on the ground and thought to myself. i walked aimlessly through the pathway. Saw many kids at the playground, juz wished i would join them. I walked and walked and finally i headed for my house. I unledged the lock and went in.

The house was empty, everyone had gone out. It seemed nobody cared. The emptiness dampened my thoughts even further. I opened the door to my room and stood right in front of it, pondering. "Why must the world be so emotionless, so heartless?" I lay down on my bed, closing my eyes as soon as my head touched the pillow. My mind kept screaming, "Why? Why?" My eyes were flooded with tears. I was about to burst, I could not take it any longer. I had absolute no idea what's keeping me down. I brushed my hands across my face and wiped away those tears streaming down. I knew i had weaken. I wanna gave up. But I couldn't.

My mind kept thinking, and thinking, and thinking. There's no end to it. The worst is, i coudn't figure what's going on in it. It's like a whirlpool, juz going on and on. I felt so terrible, so weak. I gulped down cups and cups of water. I washed my face again and again. Is as if i had done something guilty, but i did not. uGhz.. just let me go!

Heli Dont ask me why 11:11 PM

Friday, March 7

Forgiveness

Being forgiving is something
Many may find hard to do
And when we do wrong
We want others to forgive

People are fallible, we're humans after all
We make mistakes at various times
Learn how to forgive and understand
And you'll feel peace at heart

It might mean the lowering of your pride
When you say "i'll forgive"
But it must come from the bottom of your heart
Sincere and true

The ones who are generous
The ones who don't hold grudges
Will feel a sense of joy and happiness
Money can never buy

Heli Dont ask me why 9:07 PM

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